Qandeel Baloch was a Pakistani woman who was recently killed by her own brother for “bringing dishonour” to her family. Widely known as a young woman who stood by her feminist beliefs and defied convention to appear on social media and elsewhere in nontraditional clothing making bold statements; she was someone who insisted on being seen as well as heard in a society where women must be seen less and heard even less. She was among the 10 most searched people on the internet in her home country.
So that is Pakistan; we are in India. She was self obsessed and did not go about making her feminist statements in the most intelligent of ways. In fact she was the Poonam Pandey of Pakistan. So why should we in India care?
Honour killings are still a reality in India
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Waseem Azeem, Qandeel’s brother not only killed her while she was sleeping in her own home but he proudly stood up and confessed to his heinous crime. According to him she was bringing disrepute to the family’s honour and he showed no remorse for killing his own sister.
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Sound familiar? Nearer home, honour killings still happen when family members kill women especially, who dare to marry or have relationships outside their community and various other perceived transgressions. We have Khap Punchayats handing out death sentences using their own rough and ready style of justice dispensation; endorsing and even authorising such extra judicial killings.
Victim shaming is still a reality
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In our society as well, it is the victim of abuse or violence who is often seen as “asking for it”. Various reasons are proffered; all specious: she was dressed a certain way, she was where she shouldn’t have been at a time that was inappropriate… rather than place blame squarely on the perpetrator, we still have those who will explain away crimes with a boys will be boys type of justification while holding the woman at least partly responsible.
Women are still charged with upholding family honour, social traditions and morality
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In most parts of India, it is still the women who are supposed to uphold tradition within the family and society. It is still the responsibility of the women to take care and protect themselves from marauding men. Far more women dress traditionally than men. It is only women who change their name after marriage, who sport the sindoor and the mangal sutra and other signs of being married. It is still women who leave their own homes and adjust themselves into a new home after marriage.
For most of us this is just the way things are; most of us have no quarrel with these glaring disparities. Few Indians see the inequity and the many inherent advantages that men enjoy in society due to these firmly entrenched social systems and see no reason to try to change status quo.
The fact that Indian women are better protected and that there is a law against honour killing in our country does make things a lot better for us, but it doesn’t mean that a Qandeel Baloch type incident could not happen here as well. Sure Poonam Pandey is thriving (and we are glad she lives here) but a brother who felt that his sister was behaving shamefully because she was actually exercising her constitutional and legal freedoms; men (and women, unfortunately) who feel that women have to ‘know their limits’ or face the consequences; a man (or woman) who feels that females are the sole upholder of family honour and tradition – they are also thriving in our country.
So is India in fact just like Pakistan?
Author – Reena Daruwalla
