Recently there was a news report about two senior citizens finding love at an old age home of all places. Lakshmi Ammal and Kochaniyan Menon are two people in their 60s who discovered love late in life at an old age home in Trissur's Ramavarmapuram. The two recently got married.
Lakshmi Ammal and Kochaniyan Menon are well into their 60s and they recently got married. Lakshmi Ammal came to the government-run old age home after she was widowed while Kochaniyan Menon did the same after he was abandoned by his family. The two got to know each other at the home, fell in love and got married recently. The ceremony was held at the home, with other residents organising rituals such as henna, sangeet and so on. Seated upon typical ornate chairs, the couple were seen smiling from ear to ear; even kissing each other on the cheeks.
In a society that celebrates young love, it is refreshing to see an elderly couple embrace love later in life. The story of Lakshmi and Kochaniyan rejects the stale old idea that older people should concern themselves with prayer, look after grandchildren and generally withdraw from life. It celebrates the idea that love is infinite and that it knows no age.
As people live longer, healthier lives than ever before, seniors are seizing the opportunity to travel, try out new experiences and even learn new skills post-retirement. Now, one’s 60s and 70s can be full, enriching, enjoyable years – people continue to live active, vital and interesting lives. These are people who reject conventional expectations of ‘old age’ and refuse to be bogged down by health issues, aches and pains or infirmity that typically accompany the later years. They also reject the view that is somehow squeamish of older people discovering love and deciding to embrace their own happiness regardless of societal norms.
We have all heard of stories where older people wishing to get married decide not to do so because of the needs of their families or indeed their disapproval. The example of Madhav Damle and his Senior Citizen Live-in Relationship Mandal is progressive and heartening. Damle came up with this concept to combat the loneliness and the feeling of being lost that so many people experience later in life. Damle would organise get-togethers, picnics and trips to get single seniors to meet and interact, make friends and hopefully find someone special to share their life with.
Embracing life and love cannot be time-barred. If one is lucky enough to find the affection and companionship of someone they would enjoy sharing their life with, they cannot or should not let such a gift slip away merely because of societal censure or family expectations.
Another reason why the story of Lakshmi and Kochaniyan is heartening is that it presents a different picture of senior homes than expected. While some of us think of old age homes as sad places full of abandoned people waiting for death, that very concept is undergoing a change.
There is no doubt that senior abandonment is still a significant social problem and that most seniors living in these homes do so out of compulsion or because they have no option. However, increasing numbers of seniors now choose to check into facilities that offer supportive environments for older people. They actually opt to move into a community with other likeminded people around, elder-friendly living spaces, housekeeping and medical support and enjoyable activities as well. Newer, better-equipped facilities are now available and some seniors choose to be a part of these communities rather than living by themselves or with children who may be well-meaning but may be busy with their own demanding lives.
Life at a thoughtfully designed senior facility can be relaxed but structured. These can be attractive dwelling spaces where housekeeping, maintenance, cooking, security and personal assistance are provided to the extent required. It is now time that we as a society stopped viewing people in their later years through the conventional lens. It is time we started seeing them as individuals with aspirations of their own who have decided to enjoy life’s second innings so to speak.
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