Call me behen, didi, bhabhi, ma’am, even (gasp) behenji! But not Aunty! In college, don’t be such an aunty was an insult meant to indicate that one was a killjoy – too timid or strait laced or lame. Guys were similarly insulted: don’t be such an uncle! Consider the image coujoured up by the term ‘aunty’ - a matronly, well fed, woman of uncertain middle age - with a disapproving gimlet eye and grating voice. One does not want to be an ‘aunty’. And yet, one is an aunty! The Aunty Syndrome is real, ubiquitous and inescapable!
When we recite the Pledge of India in school, we internalize its message and assume that “all Indians are my brothers and sisters” in fact and deed. Since everyone is a sibling, it follows that their parents would be aunts and uncles! Ergo perhaps, the penchant for addressing everyone as a relative; particularly an aunt?
Indians are happy to be related to everyone; we address perfect strangers as chacha-chachi, mama-mami, bhabhi-bhaiya, dada-dadi and so on. In my view, uncle and aunty are convenient generic terms that replace the plethora of specific terms denoting relatives.
She was ‘didi’ till a few days back but is now thrust willy-nilly into the aunty category. She may be barely older than the chap who is calling her ‘aunty’ but she has the sindoor or the mangal sutra and she is now firmly relegated to an altogether different generation! She may not think of herself as aunty; she may not want to be aunty, but suddenly she is – inescapably an aunty.
You don’t have to remember what their name is; you simply call them ‘aunty’. You don’t have to remember whether they are your mami or chachi or whichever complicated relationship it is. It may be convenient, but it’s lazy! It is generic and it says you cannot be bothered to address the person appropriately.
The milkman, your tailor, the strapping young lad in the neighbourhood addressing you as aunty… they are not doing it to insult you; really! Bizarrely, they actually think they are being respectful! Some do it based on the misguided notion that aunty is a modern form of address that is somehow better than dadi-mami-chachi-didi-bhabhi.
..But failed, Remember that song – supposedly about the guy with the thing for older women? Never mind that said aunty looks like her daughter’s sister or that her husband now looks old enough to be her dad. She is still an ‘Aunty’! And aunties...say it with me... are not cool!
I freely confess I hate being called aunty – it makes me feel ancient. It makes me feel as though I'm wearing a shiny, artificial silk suit in a loud magenta colour and sequined slippers and that I must be haggling with/haranguing a hapless shopkeeper in Karol Baug.
To be sure there are plenty of alternatives – address the female in question as Ms/Mrs along with her surname – that is never inappropriate. Call her ma’am. That is always respectful. If she invites you to do so, call her by her first name – nice, easy and informal! Call her by the word appropriate for the way you are related to her: mami if she is your mother’s brother’s wife, bua if she is your father’s sister and so on. For many women (and Mayawati), Behenji is a perfectly acceptable form of address as well.
Take your pick – just bin the aunty tag, won’t you?
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