Sanskaari Indian Wives? Not So Much

A recent headline says that about 70% of Indian women are unfaithful to their marriages according to a survey. Now, this is a pretty tall claim to make in respect of Indians who tend to be prudish and highly conservative, even puritanical in matters relating to sex. So are Indians really that liberal – and hypocritical? Or is this figure of 70% nonsense?

A survey by Gleeden revealed that 7 out of 10 Indian wives cheat on their husbands. The reasons cited for this are many: monotony, unhappiness, neglect because men don’t participate in domestic chores and so on. Mumbai, Bangalore and Kolkata have the highest proportion of women who cheat on their husbands according to the survey.

The Gleeden (glee+eden) website claims it is “The first extramarital dating site made by women”. The French app – which has 5 million users worldwide and about 5 lakh Indian users – describes itself as “the leader in married and coupled people encounters”. The app conducted the survey titled Why Do Women Commit Adultery to arrive at certain conclusions.

Gleeden came to India in 2017 but it was launched in France in 2009. It is hardly the first app/service for those looking for extramarital hookups or relationships. Ashley Madison, BeNaughty, AdultFriendFinder, FindNewPassion, HeatedAffairs and many other online apps and services offer to help married people find others to have affairs with.

About 30% of Gleeden’s Indian users are women between 34 and 49 years of age. 77% of women who cheated said that their extramarital dalliance added excitement to their lives. About 75% also claimed that they had no regrets for their actions whatsoever. These apps are the preferred choice of people looking for extramarital affairs since they offer security, privacy and safety, unlike real life.

Gleeden and other such apps are targeted specifically at married people who want to get in touch with other ‘cheaters’ either locally or far away; or while out of town on a trip. While women use Gleeden free, men are evaluated by women and have a credits-based system.

According to Gleeden's marketing person Solene Paillet there are many reasons why services such as these are so popular: flirting with strangers can lead to ‘greater intimacy with their spouses’; in other words, such dalliance can rekindle a marriage. Cheating breaks the monotony of a relationship and makes things exciting. There is also the fact that homosexuals trapped in marriages look to find intimacy outside their traditional marriages. It is also true that married people often battle neglect and dissatisfaction in their marriages and want to look elsewhere for amicable companionship; not necessarily leading to a physical relationship.

Now one could condemn these apps as promoting dishonesty and immorality; leading to the end of civilized family life as we know it. Or we could explain it away as carpe diem; lonely people grabbing at whatever opportunity for happiness that comes their way while letting them stay in their primary relationship without disrupting it and the children’s lives. We could also say that being addicted to porn or video games could be as bad if not worse for a marriage.

One could argue that many ‘cheaters’ say that this sort of extramarital relationship makes them feel validated and desirable once again; making them more self-confident and fulfilled even when stuck in sterile or unhappy marriages that they cannot get out of. Perhaps those of us in happy marriages ought not to make judgements about those in relationships that may be less happy and fulfilling.

That said, Gleeden’s survey is probably not something that we should take too seriously. 70% of Indian women cheat? Really? How believable is that? Also, it isn’t clear who all participated in the survey. If the app’s users participated, then it is obviously representative only of the views of people who use apps like this; it is not a sample representative of the general population. So the family unit as we know it is probably not under any grave and immediate danger.