A woman in India faces many disadvantages, especially if they are born in the states where there is a strong prejudice against them. If that woman then becomes a widow, her life is inexorably altered and it worsens in so many ways that it’s unimaginable for the average Indian man or even some of us women. Widows in India are traditionally neglected, marginalised and rejected not only by society in general, but even their own families.

For no fault of their own, these women are considered to be a bad omen, are excluded from auspicious occasions or celebrations and not allowed to be a part of religious ceremonies and so on. The way they can dress and behave is circumscribed for life. Not only that; widows in India are deprived of their inheritance rights and often end up destitute and homeless. While things are changing as more people become educated and break free from the shackles of blind faith and superstition, the pace of change is slow and it takes people like Jitendra Patel to draw attention to this silent, mistreated Indian demographic.

Mehsana Buisness man invites widows to sons wedding

How a Gujarati business man broke an age old taboo

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For the marriage of his son Ravi, Mehsana based Jitendra Patel invited 18,000 widows from five districts of Gujarat to grace the occasion and to bless the bridal couple. It was his way of trying to right a grievous social injustice that has been perpetrated for centuries, turning on its head the discriminatory and insulting practice of not including widowed women in wedding celebrations and similar auspicious occasions.

This gesture was meant to prove that the custom of excluding widows is merely a pernicious superstition. These 18,000 invitees were gifted a blanket and a sapling to plant in their backyard. The less privileged women among these were also given a milking cow to supplement their income.

Why Jitendra Patel’s gesture has twofold importance

Firstly of course Patel made a nonsense of the misguided and hurtful belief that widows are inauspicious and rejected the practice of their exclusion from auspicious or happy occasions. It was a telling blow against those who routinely practice this form of cruelty against bereaved women. Secondly, the man put this money to far better use than is typical for a big fat Indian wedding. Rather than the conspicuous consumption that typifies the weddings of India’s upwardly mobile, he spent his money a lot more wisely. Wedding invites, blankets and saplings for society’s neglected women is so much more sane and actually useful.

55 year old Hansa Thakore of Vijapur town in Mehsana district had his rather heartbreaking statement to make when she received a cow as gift after attending the wedding – “I never expected getting so much importance after becoming a widow,” It is telling that she felt so grateful for the inclusion and the modicum of respect accorded to her in this instance; clearly something that she is not used to.

Author – Reena Daruwalla