In our country, the ugly social custom of dowry is most frequently perpetuated under various guises: it is tradition, the gold, car/scooter, fridge are ‘marriage gifts’ to the bride and groom (there is studied disregard for the fact that the ‘gifts’ are only from the bride’s parents), ‘contribution’ to the groom’s education and so on. The bald truth is that the female child is viewed as a burden to be got rid of as soon as possible; by paying a price for the passing on of that burden to another. This twisted and befuddling logic is turned on its head by the new Beti Padhao, Beti Badhao program films. They are refreshing in that they call a spade a spade; take a look:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3k4yOROOHI
An obviously newly married couple is seen to be heading for an outing on a scooter that we soon discover was part of the dowry that the bride got along with her. Seeing this, the father in law quickly manufactures an errand that he suddenly sees the need to run. This is a transparent attempt at establishing his dominance within the family structure – as a father in law and as an elder in the house; but principally as a man.
It is a ploy meant to “show her her place” firstly as a woman and therefore always subservient to the man and secondly as a ‘bhau’, accepted within the fold of the family on sufferance. This little tableau plays out to underscore the deeply ingrained social construct that the daughter in law is the least significant member of the family and someone whose needs and aspirations are forever and necessarily subordinate to all others in the family: husband, in-laws and children.
Dowry is often referred to as bride price; this little film redefines the term and calls it groom price which it actually is. By paying dowry the groom has actually been bought, as the gutsy ‘bahu’ – with the decorous pallu still very much on her head as tradition demands – informs her father tin law. The implied threat in her words is born out of hard won courage.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0C3KJl1x6TM
The above film is along similar lines; helping expose an evil and insidious tradition for what it is: a tool to keep women submissive; secondary beings that always relinquish their sovereignty to uphold exploitative patriarchal structures… structures that deign to bestow the most basic of human rights as though they are privileges to be earned.
Kudos to Beti Padhao, Beti Badhao!
Author: Reena Daruwalla
